Respecting Children's Choices
Lotus and I were watching American Idol last night. One contestant in particular stuck out, not because she won a coveted ticket to Hollywood (she did) but because of her story: Seems this Ohio gal had to lie to her parents (father in particular) about where she was (said she was spending a few nights with a girlfriend) and skipped school (college, I assume, as she was 19) in order to get herself to New York and the American Idol auditions.
From what they aired, I gathered that she's always had the passion and desire to be a singer, but was told that if she pursued singing, her father wouldn't help her out with school (sounds kind of black-mailish to me). So up to a point, she followed her father's wishes and denied her own desires.
Guess what? Singing isn't just some pipe dream for this girl. She can really sing. She likely can make a good go of it. Will she become rich and famous? Possibly. But I'm sure she will be able to make a living from singing, whether she hits the big time or not.
Follow your dreams. Isn't that what life is about?
I don't understand how parents squelch their kids' passions and desires, and expect them to do what they, the parents, want them to do, instead. Sure, there are likely more than a few in the crowds of the American Idol auditions who can't hold a tune, are tone deaf, and should really find another passion. But some people just won't know until they try and fail, in order to realize they just don't have what it takes. But, I give them credit for getting out there, giving it their all, and trying.
Maybe I'm just sensitive to this. I've had bunches of passions over the years. My family likes to make fun of me because I'm the one always doing something cool and unusual. Case in point: At the age of 33, I decided to take up figure skating. Started out in group lessons, and quickly progressed to private lessons. I lived and breathed skating. I absolutely LOVED it! Gliding across the ice is like flying, jumps and spins exhiliarating! At our rink, there were other ladies my age who were avid about the sport. We hung out together and cheered each other on. We were a bit competitive with each other, too. My family was always making digs about how delusional I was to think I'd make it to the Olympics. The Olympics?? I had no illusions about going to the Olympics. Just a desire to get out there and skate.
I signed up for my first marathon. "You'll never do that!" my family said. I've now done two now. And on it goes.
I fully support my kids as whole people, whose desires and interests may be far from my own. But I support them fully. Buzz says he wants to be a pro skateboarder. Who am I to tell him he can't? Knowing Buzz, he may very well be. Or, he may find something cooler in a few years and move on to that. But should I squelch his desire to skateboard, telling him it's frivolous and dangerous and unrealistic? No.
I don't understand this. Maybe someone out there can enlighten me.
From what they aired, I gathered that she's always had the passion and desire to be a singer, but was told that if she pursued singing, her father wouldn't help her out with school (sounds kind of black-mailish to me). So up to a point, she followed her father's wishes and denied her own desires.
Guess what? Singing isn't just some pipe dream for this girl. She can really sing. She likely can make a good go of it. Will she become rich and famous? Possibly. But I'm sure she will be able to make a living from singing, whether she hits the big time or not.
Follow your dreams. Isn't that what life is about?
I don't understand how parents squelch their kids' passions and desires, and expect them to do what they, the parents, want them to do, instead. Sure, there are likely more than a few in the crowds of the American Idol auditions who can't hold a tune, are tone deaf, and should really find another passion. But some people just won't know until they try and fail, in order to realize they just don't have what it takes. But, I give them credit for getting out there, giving it their all, and trying.
Maybe I'm just sensitive to this. I've had bunches of passions over the years. My family likes to make fun of me because I'm the one always doing something cool and unusual. Case in point: At the age of 33, I decided to take up figure skating. Started out in group lessons, and quickly progressed to private lessons. I lived and breathed skating. I absolutely LOVED it! Gliding across the ice is like flying, jumps and spins exhiliarating! At our rink, there were other ladies my age who were avid about the sport. We hung out together and cheered each other on. We were a bit competitive with each other, too. My family was always making digs about how delusional I was to think I'd make it to the Olympics. The Olympics?? I had no illusions about going to the Olympics. Just a desire to get out there and skate.
I signed up for my first marathon. "You'll never do that!" my family said. I've now done two now. And on it goes.
I fully support my kids as whole people, whose desires and interests may be far from my own. But I support them fully. Buzz says he wants to be a pro skateboarder. Who am I to tell him he can't? Knowing Buzz, he may very well be. Or, he may find something cooler in a few years and move on to that. But should I squelch his desire to skateboard, telling him it's frivolous and dangerous and unrealistic? No.
I don't understand this. Maybe someone out there can enlighten me.
posted by Zany Mom at 2:38 PM
3 Comments:
I am SO with you on this.
I have one son who's identified Gifted and a perpetual A-B student, and one whose grades are (and have always been) roller-coaster rides. He isn't a "natural" for school, but he IS very smart and gut-bustingly funny.
Encouraging each of their interests, abilities, and dreams is essential to their success and happiness. Like the article you posted below says, respecting our kids builds all the personality traits and successes we hope for them as adults.
Great topic. Nice to find like-minded parents out there!
I saw the episode as well and I agree with you. My parents always supported me and they told me that I could be whatever I wanted to be - all the time. Dreams and passions make life interesting... they give us drive and determination. They should be encouraged and supported... not squelched. At least not by a parent... there are too many other people in the world who can do that.
Yanno;
I have never figured out why ANY parent wouldn't want to encourage their child in anything.
Sure, there are always going to be limits (money, safety, stuff like that), but beyond that?
Thank God my parents did a good job with the three of us. I am trying to do the same with my own boys now.
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