Our RV Journey, Part 8

Lotus and I decide to take the meandering, scenic Blue Ridge Parkway north, as we're in driving mode and not sightseeing mode. I dislike being on a schedule and not having time to stop and smell the roses, but I'm grateful that I got this much time off at once. The mountains are gorgeous. We stop for lunch in one of the scenic overlooks north of Roanoke.

We fire up the generator, pop a pizza in the oven, and let it bake while we sit outside on the hillside and admire the view. The dogs welcome the grass, as dried up as it was, but they enjoy the fresh air and sunshine.

Up, down, curve right, curve left, stone over pass, overlook, repeat. Beautiful. I'd been through Virginia numerous times but never took the Parkway. Glad we did. We exit the Parkway a few hours north and wind back toward the interstate. By now it's getting to be late afternoon, so we pull over at a rest area so the dogs can do their thing.
Our destination is Harper's Ferry, WV, where we spent two days holed up in the air conditioning recovering from several long days of driving. We don't see the battlefields or the Civil War museum, and decide to save that for another time. We need to veg. And we do.

We take the back roads into Pennsylvania and end up at a creekside campground near Lewisburg, PA. Another night to hang out, but we do take the dogs for a long walk and enjoy the quiet.

Buzz is overjoyed to finally see us arrive. We load up his two weeks worth of laundry and gear, plus a week's worth of his buddy's gear. On the way home (all 7 hours of it) I manage to score Lottery (it's now Aug. 4th and past the release date, see prev. posting) and can't wait to get home to start reading.

And that's the story of Zany's RV trip in a nutshell. I hit the high points, though I forgot to mention the time we got the RV hung up in a low wire behind a church, or how many U-turns we pulled in Georgia (not an easy feat in an RV!).

I just got back today from a weekend in Vermont with the RV to pick up Lotus from her cousin's house. And now I have Labor Day weekend free and am scrambling to find a place to go on short notice.

And now back to your regularly scheduled blogging.

Our RV Journey, Part 7

My sister's suggestion to go camping at Stone Mountain is a good one. We have no reservations, but their website boasts they turn no one away. One of the benefits of being fully self-contained. We can go anywhere! But we're in luck, they have a site (lots of sites, actually).

We take the water taxi over and hike uphill in the sweltering heat and humidity lugging lawn chairs. We set up in the middle of the field. Bugs are biting. We drench ourselves in bug spray. We're tired and thirsty so we head for the visitors center. Lotus hangs out in the chairs; my sister and I browse the gift shop. After picking a few souvenirs, we load up on food and drink and take our seats.

The bugs are intense. We spray some more. And now the bugs are sticking to our greasy skin. Nobody else seems bothered by the bugs. Maybe they're attracted to DEET?

The show is spectacular. Fireworks interspersed with laser lights and photographs, all set to music. We had fun.

My sister enjoys the RV trip and jokes I should park it permanently in her driveway. Thanks, but we've got to start making our way North. We're due to pick up Buzz at camp in a few days.

The morning drive takes us on 7 lane roads cruising through Atlanta. My sister talks non-stop and fails to tell me when to merge left, when to merge right, when to exit. She takes us on a circuitous route, down narrow streets lined with mansions, roads under construction, no place to turn around. I think she forgot we were leaving; either that or she was stalling. We finally break free, say our goodbyes, and we head North toward Tennessee once more. Let's just say following route markers to find the interstate isn't any easier during the day than it was at night.

We spend all day driving, pulling over only to let the dogs out or microwave a meal. Since I'm not sure exactly how long it will take to get to Buzz's camp, I want some leeway. Just before dusk we hit the Virginia state line. The Exit book shows two campgrounds not too far away. Lotus is begging for WIFI. I tell her I can't promise anything, we're just picking one and that's that.

We end up following signs to a campground that has us turn into what looks like a recreational park, playground and picnic area. Signs for the campground point toward the back. We follow a winding road a couple of miles and see nothing that looks like a campground. I have my doubts about any WIFI. Soon we find a small ranger station at the edge of the woods. Trees hang low, the road is single lane and very narrow. I ask if my RV (all 33' of it!) will fit. He assures me there are larger rigs than mine in there. Okay. He directs me to the easiest back-in site he has and we inch up the hill, low-hanging branches scraping the roof. Every campsite is empty. I creep up the hill, passing suitable site after suitable site. Finally we come to a small patch of grass with a playground and bath house. Here we find two tents, a large motorhome, and a small trailer.

Backing in isn't as easy as the ranger made it sound. Sharp curve, lots of trees, low dangling branches, exposed tree roots. I give Lotus explicit directions on how she needs to guide me into the site. But when I look in my mirror she's standing there, hands in her pockets, staring at the ground. I start backwards but am suddenly stopped by something under my wheel. I yell for Lotus to look, and she declares there's nothing there. The fellow in the camper next door comes over and helps. I'm thankful there is electricity because we definitely need the air conditioning. Lotus and I watch a movie before catching some zzzz's.

Our RV Journey, Part 6

By the time we're done with our late lunch with the relatives, it's after 5pm. I decide that rather than slog through miles of tourist traffic to get to the interstate, we'd take a more leisurely back roads route to Georgia. My goal was to see some local scenery and find a campground or big parking lot to overnight in.

The drive is gorgeous, the roads steep and winding, up and down. Farms and veggie stands, an occasional town. I got to use my engine to brake down the steep grades rather than burn out my brakes. I'm happy that I'm an info junkie and had read all about it online. Info like that comes in handy when you need it (though my mind is really a font of mostly useless information). The mountains give way to much flatter farmlands and some rolling hills. The road is straight and wide. In Maryville, TN, we received a huge friendly wave from a lady in a blue van. I mean, she was literally hanging out her window and smiling. They're real friendly down Tennessee way.

I find a Wal-Mart and a few campgrounds just before we hit the Georgia border, but I'm not quite ready to stop. Another hour or so and I'll be good. Mistake #1. There is nothing in North Georgia other than tiny towns with Dollar General stores. So I keep driving. Surely there will be a Wal-Mart or some other large box store where I can pull over. The road is endless. The dark is interrupted by an occasional small gas station or a corner store. No place to stop. I keep driving. By 10pm I finally hit the interstate. I'm hoping against hope that the interstate brings civilization, stores, and possibly a Cracker Barrel. Only a hotel and a truck stop. I pass the truck stop. Mistake #2.

We're almost to my sister's house, so let's just go there. The road narrows. The turns get tighter. And the next thing I know we're at a low underpass. I'm not worried about the height, I'm at least a foot under that. It's the WIDTH. My RV is 8.5 feet wide. Add another foot for the mirrors, at least. I swear the travel lane under the bridge was only a hairs-breadth wider than 9 feet. I inch through, very aware of the crunched guardrails striped with paint from numerous previous vehicles. Did I mention the dogs are nuzzling me? I forgot that I should have at least stopped to let them out. And it's then I realize that *I* also need to use the facilities. And now there is literally nowhere to pull over.

I keep driving. I've turned onto highway 61. Dark, narrow, windy. I pull over into a very steep turnout. The dogs disappear in the knee-high grass. I'm crossing my legs while hoping they (the dogs)don't pick up any ticks. I race back inside. Thank goodness for onboard facilities! We keep driving. And somehow end up back at the interstate. Apparently Route 61 veered right, and I went straight. I saw no signs. That's it. Now I'm tired and cranky and hungry and I'm just pulling over. Lotus finds the Exit book and we locate a Wal-Mart two exits down. We never did find the Wal-Mart, but ended up at Cracker Barrel next to an on-ramp under construction. They have two RV parking spots at the back. On a hill. Very steep. Even with my levelers we're never going to get the thing level, but I don't care at this point. I'm going to sleep and nothing is going to stop me. And we do.

Morning dawns and I stumble out of the RV, three dogs in tow, to find a young kid in a black apron sweeping the parking lot a couple of yards away. He calls out a cheery hello. I'm sure my hair is sticking up every which way and I probably look like I've been in a boxing match. But hey, I'm used to people seeing me this way. Remember the cop at 2 am a few posts back?

We leave before breakfast after consulting the map. We're less than 20 miles from my sister's house. I should mention that the Georgia highway department likes to play pranks on unsuspecting tourists. We head north on Highway 41, only to see it labeled a few miles later as Highway 3. Um, it's a 4-lane road. Where did 41 go? Nowhere does it say that 41, 3, and yes, 92, all run together here. I find a brand spankin' new shopping center and pull in. It's 7am, nothing's open, but I call my sister for directions. Did I tell you I'm very good with directions? But I shouldn't have bothered. I had to call her 3 more times. Note to self: don't drive in Georgia without a GPS.

We find her house and park in the driveway. It's 8am and already so humid the air is visible when you move your arms. Like fog. But not. And I knew the mosquitoes were gonna be bad when my sister emerged from her house automatically spritzing herself with bug spray as she walked. Now I remember why I didn't settle in Georgia after college. Humidity and I do not get along.

I love my sister and she has a very nice house, but I'm very glad I have my RV and my own bathroom. My sister has 48 cats. 'Nuff said. We visit, make cookies, see the local sites (where she works, where she collects cats), we do a little shopping (I'm still trying to score Lottery -- see previous post). I put flea stuff on my pets, update their heartworm stuff. Don't need any Georgia bugs infesting my RV. My sister tells of her contest winnings (furniture, cash off the radio). She's stuck on someday hitting it big. Though I don't think she plays the lottery. Does Georgia even have a lottery?

We decide it's time to do something touristy again. My sister suggests the laser show at Stone Mountain...

Our RV Journey, Part 5

Yes, you guessed it. The windshield still leaked. The caulk I'd placed on the rear window seemed to be holding okay, with no more leaking. Fortunately the rain didn't last long, but now I thought maybe I'd better check it out a little more thoroughly. My ladder is only a two-footer, and I'm short, so seeing the top of the windshield is a little bit problematic.

The trip to Tennessee is gorgeous, and we had tremendous views in the mountains near the Kentucky/Tennessee border. We're headed to Pigeon Forge and the Smoky Mountains. Yes, we know it's a gaudy tourist trap, but we don't care. With all of the neon and moving signs, you'd think you were in Vegas. Just add a little gambling... Actually it's probably more like Branson, Missouri, but we haven't been there yet. Traffic from the highway in Sevierville to our campground in Pigeon Forge is horrendous. We inched along, but it didn't matter. We weren't in any hurry. It's nice being on vacation with no plans. Heck, we didn't even have a campground reservation!

We were fortunate that the campground we chose had space for 4 days. I'm getting pretty good at backing the RV into narrow sites now. The place we chose also had cable TV, so we hook it up for ha ha's. Have to check out all of the RV gadgets now, right?! Works fine. On the way to TN Lotus asked about the stereotypes about West Virginians and other southerners, so I just happened to grab Coal Miner's Daughter from Wal-Mart at our last stop. I hope Lotus isn't birthin' no babies when she's 14. What a different world we live in! She loved the movie, even though she's not a huge country music fan. Yes, Zany and Lotus are in a huge tourist trap town and we're hunkered down in the RV with TV and DVDs...

We look over the flyer we picked up at the campground office and decide we're going to hit the aquarium in Gatlinburg, a doggie boutique for souvenirs for the dogs, and take a drive up into the Smokies. We don't have a car, and driving the huge RV around in the crazy traffic isn't appealing. We're fortunate that the campground we chose has the trolley stopping by every hour or so. After a couple of days of that, we decided that it likely wasn't any faster than trying to drive around ourselves. When you're driving a huge RV, people tend to want to get out of your way and stay away. Couldn't have anything to do with the fact that 99% of RV drivers are little old men, could it? (I'm kidding here, LOL. So please, no retirees who drive RVs throw any tomatoes at me, okay??)

The aquarium is great -- so far the best one we've visited. The drive up into the Smokies was beautiful. It started to rain, so we chose not to take a hike. Good thing, it took forever to get back to Pigeon Forge! We decide to check out the doggie store on the way. Would you believe it closed at 5pm?? What stores close at 5pm in a tourist town?? Apparently many of them, as we found out.

The doggie store advertises that pets are welcome, on a leash, and boasts the best biscuits in town. So imagine my surprise when more than half the store is stacked floor to ceiling with collectible breakables! Figurines in all sizes and shapes, mugs, doggie bowls and plaques. There are more dog toys than I've ever seen, clothing for dogs and their humans, strollers (wouldn't the evil puppy rats like to take a ride zipped up in a stroller? Probably). But I'm too cheap to fork over $80. Heck, I didn't even pay that much for my kids' stroller. Okay, that was 13 years ago, and your point is...? We almost buy a rubber chicken. The noise it makes is almost human. But it's a tad too big for the puppies. The store owner says she has to make sure the one she has at home is put away at night. No fun stepping on that in the middle of the night. I agree. We end up with a new duds (collar and leash) for each of the dogs. What, you thought I dressed my dogs in sweaters? As if! (okay, so nobody says 'as if' any more...)

The weather stays rainy so we forgo our visit to Dollywood. Lotus just wants to relax, so that nixes dinner at the Dixie Stampede. We do manage to have a nice lunch with my aunt and cousin (they live in Knoxville). I'm determined to fix the windshield leak, so I pull the picnic table in front of the RV, put the ladder on top, and deposit enough silicone caulk under the rubber to stop a dam. Apparently not. Sigh...

Somewhere along the way we've had a few minor troubles with the RV. Lotus broke off the shower knob. It had threads, but I couldn't seem to screw it back on. The toilet didn't hold water, which I first thought was normal, but then found it's supposed to hold a few inches like the toilet at home. I also noticed a crack in my shower head. Seeing how Lotus just wanted to veg in the RV, I called the local repair guy. Imagine a large, balding dude in blue coveralls and huge feet. He assesses my situation. Next thing I know he's wedged himself into my tiny RV bathroom (yes, it's very tiny) and starts stomping on the toilet foot pedal. Hard. Snap. Snap! SNAP!! I'm biting my tongue, thinking I've hired a quack and I'm going to have to replace the entire toilet! But it worked! I'm thankful. RVs, like boats, always have niggling things to fix. I don't need anything major! He rethreaded my shower knob and replaced my cracked shower hose. Cost for everything? $10.

Oh, and as far as my broken steps went, the problem apparently was a 3-way switch, and somehow it was in the 'never deploy steps' mode. And I forgot to mention the time in Kentucky I drove to the dump station with my antenna up...oops...

Now we're ready to head to Georgia...

Our RV Journey, Part 4

The storm breaks and behind it is the most gorgeous weather you could hope for. Sunny and warm, not a lick of humidity. We never even had to run the air conditioner. A nice breeze blew through our shaded campsite.

We were at Kentucky Horse Park in Lexington for Breyerfest. We'd gone last year, Lotus and I, and she wanted to do a few workshops, namely painting and etching horses. She's bought a few older models off of Ebay and wants to make them nice again.

The show in the arena plays daily, some parts twice daily. I watched while Lotus took her classes. I also got to stand in line to buy exclusive Breyerfest models (trust me when I say there are people out there who are serious collectors of these plastic horses!). Because the quest for some of these models is so competitive, lines are formed based on a lottery system of sorts.

First, sale times happen a few times a day. Festival goers are issued a ticket with a number on it (usually 1-350). You gather at your appointed time. The person in charge of the line holds a big bucket of numbers. He'll pick someone (usually a kid) to reach in and grab a number. Whoever holds that number gets to go first. The rest fall in line numerically. One time I was number 261, and the number picked was 273. Not good. Lotus didn't get the horse she really wanted, as there are limited quantities and they were sold out by the time the end of the line got there. The next time, I was number 67, and number 49 got to go first. This time I score for Lotus.

We stay in Kentucky, attending the festival for 3 days, then take two days to chill out. The pool is refreshing, we make s'mores over the campfire, walk the dogs, admiring other campsites and campers and RVs. We see a pop up that is very similar to the one we just sold, and are wistful for a moment. Just a fleeting moment, LOL. No way will I give up the comforts of my RV!

On our last night at Kentucky Horse Park, I decide to wash and Rain-X the windows. It's then that I notice that the rubber gasket holding the windshield in has pulled away from the RV. Could this be the source of my leak? I decide to call up one of the RV dealers listed on the campground map and ask if they can take a look. The guy is polite but refers me to a glass place they use. The glass guy is very helpful, and says he can take a look first thing in the morning instead of three days later as he'd originally suggested, because we were heading to Tennessee.

They fix the windshield in under an hour for $50, and we're on our way. After a breakfast stop at Cracker Barrel to let the RV sit so the window glue could dry, we head South. Smack into some more thunderstorms.

No guessing what happened next!

Our RV Journey, Part 3

Yep, the windshield on the driver's side (of course!) leaks. I nice little stream on the inside of the glass. But the rain subsides and I make a mental note to add it to the list of little niggling issues that need fixing when I get home.

The drive through Ohio was relatively uneventful. We stopped near Columbus, because I was looking to score a copy of Lottery by Patricia Wood, though its release date was still a couple of weeks away. We'd found a Borders, and no luck. But we also found a restaurant we were wanting to revisit: Max and Erma's. Lotus and I had stopped at one in Eastern Ohio last year, and for some reason we liked it, though neither of us could remember if the food and ambiance was really all that great or whether we were just too tired and famished to care, LOL.

The food was pretty good, typical steak 'n pub ambiance. Lotus ordered salmon and broccoli. She practically licked her plate clean. A kid eating broccoli? In a restaurant?? On purpose?! I jokingly said that most parents force the broccoli and limit the candy. (I'd grown up on broccoli that was overcooked and very mushy, so it's not my fave veggie unless steamed. I don't usually go out of my way to eat veggies). So I guess because I don't serve broccoli that often and candy is unlimited, my kid craves broccoli. Who'da thunk it?

Other than a traffic jam on I-75 in Cincinati, the drive to Kentucky is uneventful. The rolling hills are green and beautiful. As we approach Lexington, I decide that maybe we should stop and replenish a few supplies and get some window caulk before arriving at the campground. I pull into a convoluted Wal-Mart parking lot and open my door. Hmm. Odd. My RV steps won't lower. I remember back to a short pit stop where I walked my dogs and recalled that the steps were right on top of a curb. I wonder if I've damaged the mechanism in some way (as I'd read you could in an online RV forum). I have to jump two feet to the parking lot. I'm bummed and hoping the fix isn't terribly complicated.

I exit the store loaded with bags and notice that the sky is black. I run, bags banging my shins and I pray they don't tear open and spill on the hot asphalt. I toss the bags up into the RV and climb, with difficulty, into it. No time to put the goodies away; I want to get to the campground before the skies open! We make it (barely) as the rain just starts as I finish checking in. But as soon as I get back into the RV, the sky opens. Lotus and I are happy that all we need to do is back into the site, drop the levelers, and we're golden. Don't even have to exit the vehicle and get wet. Now, if we were still in the pop up we'd be stuck in the car, because no way would we have been trying to set up camp in that downpour!

And then I notice the river running down the windshield, on the inside...

Our RV Journey, Part 2

After a good night's sleep, we head off to Ohio. The trip is largely uneventful, traffic no too bad, and we make it to Ohio by early afternoon. I know where we're going, but wouldn't you know that all of the major cities in Ohio start with the letter C? I take a wrong turn and head for Cleveland rather than Columbus. The internal compass in my head told me something was amiss, and a few miles later we found a rest area. Yup, we missed that turn back in Akron.

But the cool thing was, this rest area actually had RV spaces. With electric hookups. And a dump station! While we didn't need to park and plug in, it was nice to see you could spend the night without having to crank up the generator.

But we did need to dump. so I got to dump the sewage. Since owning the RV I've become sort of an expert in waste management, LOL. Little paper, lotsa water, and lotsa water. :) After cleaning up, I consult the map and find some back roads to take us where we need to go.

The trip to the campground was unevenful and we pulled in at dinnertime -- hot, tired and sweaty despite the air conditioning. I'm up for a dip in the pool; Lotus wants the wifi. We watch a movie and drift off to sleep.

In the middle of the night I'm awakened by a thunderstorm. My dogs are dead to the world and I'm ever thankful they don't suffer from storm phobias! Storms don't bug Lotus either; in fact I don't even think she woke up. So I drift off. Soon I'm awakened by the intensity of the storm and increasing winds and gusts. The RV is shaking so bad that I fear we're going to blow away to Kansas, that Lotus and I are going to die in our little metal tube in a tornado before we can even make it to Breyerfest (more on that later). I wonder why my weather radio hasn't blared an alert. Then I remember that I need to reset the station every time we stop. By the time I set the station, there was no warning blaring, just a blip about scattered thunderstorms. While fiddling with the radio, I noticed that my rear window is leaking. I stick a towel under it and drift off again as the winds subside.

Later, the winds pick up yet again. I'm glad I didn't put out the awning or I'd be out there in the pouring rain and wind trying to put it back. Wind can be deadly for RV awnings, and since I just bought the RV I don't need the expense of replacing it just yet. A light across the way turns on and pokes under my bedroom curtain. I lift the edge and see a tiny woman arguing with her much larger husband. I can't hear over the wind and thunder, but it's clear the wife wants to put the awning in, and her husband either thinks she's going to be struck by lightning and is just plain crazy, or else he just doesn't want to get wet; I thinks she's mad he won't help. Their body language says it all. Finally their awning is stored, the light goes off, and my peep show is over. Fortunately the storm dies down and I can finish my sleep.

Morning dawns and we eat a good breakfast before heading for Kentucky. And that's when I noticed the windshield leaks...

Our RV Journey, Part 1

Lotus and I loaded up the RV one warm, humid night and headed out after work. We'd been planning this trip since last year, but it wasn't until June that we finally took posession of our new-to-us RV. We headed west, into NY state, and right around the time I needed to find a place to pull over and use the on-board facilities, the car in front of us swerved left. Something was in the road. I couldn't swerve due to the other car and tractor trailer in the lane next to me. There was a tire (or large piece of a tire) sitting in the middle of my lane. I figured that since I couldn't switch lanes, I'd straddle it. Heck, I 'm a huge RV. I probably have enough ground clearance. Wrong! Ker-thunk a thunk-a bump bump! Oops! I see rubber flying in my back-up camera monitor.

Then I remember all of the warnings from other RVers that say if you've had a blow-out, the flying rubber can damage the underside of your motorhome. Now, all I can think of is how much damage this stray tire has caused underneath. We're barely started on the trip and I'm envisioning a propane leak, black tank (toilet) contents oozing, etc.

We pull over at the next exit. I am on my hands and knees on the hot pavement crawling around under my RV with a flashlight. No damage, thank goodness. But who would have thought that a huge 33' RV would have as little ground clearance as a low slung sedan? There's not much, let me tell ya!

For the next 100 miles or so I kept waiting for the other shoe to drop, for our rig to implode, or some other horrible fate. Nothing! We made it to our stopping point by 11pm and went to bed.

Later I read that an RV had pulled over on that stretch of highway a few hours prior to our passing. Apparently they had a flat, but when they stopped to change the tire, their RV caught fire and was toast! I still wonder if that tire chunk was related or not, as I do remember seeing an area of burned out pavement around the time we hit the tire.

More happy travels to come!

Of Writing and RVing

Lotus and I are just back from a three-week RV trip that took us from New England to Kentucky, down to Georgia, back up through Virginia, on to Pennsylvania where we picked up Buzz and his buddy from skateboard camp, and headed home. Can you guess that I didn't want to go home? That I wanted to continue my journey? That I was in seventh heaven and didn't want to return to my unsatisfying, low-paying job and my still-not-unpacked house?

A few months back I started novel #3. A mystery-thriller. Then life got nuts, the plot grew complicated, and I couldn't focus. Novel #1, which I love, but which is unpublishable, sits. Novel #2 is 3/4 done, but I can't figure out how to tie up the loose ends. It's more of a character driven story with a suspense plot thrown in. I haven't written in months.

Along comes an idea for novel #4. Different plot, different setting, different characters, but explores the ideas of novel #1. I write a page. Then two. And I don't like it, at least not the way it's coming out on the page. I mull over different ideas on how to begin, where in the story to start, how not to info dump. I sit. I think. I rewrite. I still don't like it.

Sat down with a new author's novel, someone I haven't read before. Read the prologue and the first page of chapter 1. I am bummed. The writing is beautiful and flawless and certainly draws the reader in from the first word. ACK!

But I will write my novel. I won't worry too much about the first draft. I'll get the ideas down on paper. Then I'll see if I can rewrite and polish. A well-written book is seamless, flawless, and looks like it would be so easy to write. NOT!! I know this. I've written a novel before. I've drastically improved my craft since then. But I need to write. I need to block out the distractions of life. Ha! The only way to learn to write is to write.

So, write on!

I'm Back! After technical difficulties

Yep, it's been a while since I've blogged. Mostly because I was still decompressing from the move, still living out of boxes, house a mess. Wreaks havoc with my psyche! And to top it off, the keyboard on my laptop had missing keys and keys falling off right and left. Very hard to type, especially if you're as anal about spelling as I am.

I'm a bit slow, but someone finally clued me in that you can actually replace (really?!) laptop keyboards. Somebody had better clue in the kid over at my local computer store. I mean, after I discovered this wonderful trick, I found a keyboard online. But being the impatient sort that I am, I figured if I could pick one up from the local Geeks R Us store, I wouldn't have to wait a week.

Well darned if that MORON tattooed on my forehead didn't decide to show itself when I asked if they had any laptop keyboards for sale. The salesman (who looked no more than twelve!) proceeded to show me the keyboard aisle. "We have dozens..."

"But," I said, "I don't see any for laptops."

To which he replied, "Sure. Just get a USB keyboard and plug it into the laptop and..."

"But I want to REPLACE the keyboard on the LAPTOP, not just hook up an external one."

His eyes widened. "You can't do that."

"Uh, yes, you can. Two screws..."

"Oh, I wouldn't try that if I were you. You'd better talk to our repair service."

To which my answer was, "C'mon, Buzz, let's blow this popsicle stand!"

Keyboard arrived yesterday, popped out the busted one, screwed in the new one, and voila! Zany has a working keyboard again! Woo Hoo!!

I still want to know why, no matter where I go, it's assumed I'm a moron. And I'm not even a blonde! But I s'pose that's fodder for another day.