What Do You Say?
Last night, I picked up the kids from their dad's house, as usual. Through the window, I could see them give him hugs and kisses. We're lucky in that we live relatively close, and they get to see their dad fairly often. Their Dad and I maintain a civil relationship.
As Lotus got into the car, she looked a little bit sad. I asked what was wrong, and she said she missed Dad (the kids didn't get to spend as much time with him as usual this week, what with him coming down with the flu, and us trying to rearrange weekends). And then, Buzz pipes up from the back seat, "Why can't we just all live together as a family?"
Gulp.
What do you say?
Hindsight is nearly always 20/20. I can see now that signs I overlooked during the dating phase (love is blind, yanno!) came to a head the year before Lotus was even born. It went downhill from there.
But how can I tell my kids that their dad never really loved me? That he married me because his friends were marrying, and that he knew I'd meet with approval from his conservative parents? That for nearly fifteen years, he looked at me with disgust, like I was some dog shit he'd stepped in?
I spent the better part of my marriage trying to fix things, to make him happy, to have good times. But it didn't work. How can I tell the kids that leaving really was for the best? I do think their dad is now a better father, now that he doesn't have me to fall back on. That's a good thing.
We're making the best of a less-than-perfect situation. I can only hope that my kids will someday understand.
As Lotus got into the car, she looked a little bit sad. I asked what was wrong, and she said she missed Dad (the kids didn't get to spend as much time with him as usual this week, what with him coming down with the flu, and us trying to rearrange weekends). And then, Buzz pipes up from the back seat, "Why can't we just all live together as a family?"
Gulp.
What do you say?
Hindsight is nearly always 20/20. I can see now that signs I overlooked during the dating phase (love is blind, yanno!) came to a head the year before Lotus was even born. It went downhill from there.
But how can I tell my kids that their dad never really loved me? That he married me because his friends were marrying, and that he knew I'd meet with approval from his conservative parents? That for nearly fifteen years, he looked at me with disgust, like I was some dog shit he'd stepped in?
I spent the better part of my marriage trying to fix things, to make him happy, to have good times. But it didn't work. How can I tell the kids that leaving really was for the best? I do think their dad is now a better father, now that he doesn't have me to fall back on. That's a good thing.
We're making the best of a less-than-perfect situation. I can only hope that my kids will someday understand.
posted by Zany Mom at 9:01 AM
2 Comments:
Just show them this post when they are all grown up - they will understand.
It's hard for now, though. And "you'll understand later" is no answer.
You can only do what you can do - and it looks like you're doing very well indeed with your kids.
The other night, as DH was cursing at the government financial aid forms, we decided that God gives us children so we can understand what our parents went through. (His dad cursed at the FAFSA, too.) So even without you belaboring what an AH their father was to live with, they'll eventually figure it out.
In the meantime, I think Buzz might understand that you guys don't live together anymore because you don't want to fight so much.
Post a Comment
<< Home